Oscar Cermony

= Year 1 Oscar Ceromony =

Year 1 Oscar Statistics

The Show
-*Live from wherever the hell in Los Angeles the Oscars are held, it's the 81st annual Academy Awards!*

-*Hosted by... not Billy Crystal, but Robin Williams!*

Robin Williams: *comes on stage to wild applause from the audience* Great to be here hosting the Oscars... would have done it sooner but nobody thought I was funny enough.

Audience: *boos*

Robin Williams: Heh, just joking, they just forgot about me. Well, now I'm hosting the Oscars and there's nothing that anybody can do about it! *laughs maniacally* This my show... this my show! *pumps fists, more applause*

-*Some more talk by Robin Williams, then the first two award presenters...*

Kiefer Sutherland: Movies can be great on their own. The storylines and plots and great scores all serve to make an excellent work of art.

Jessica Alba: But sometimes the art on the screen is just as amazing as the art that is the great storyline. The masterminds behind the great effects visible in films are rarely acknowledged, but when we see their work it is dazzling and we remember it forever.

Keifer Sutherland: Here are the nominees.

''The beautiful spells and spirits in the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time were created with some of the most sophisticated effects ever witnessed on film.

''A family of four blasts off into the stars in Mission: SPACE, and their journey is beautifully portrayed with incredible motion capture technology and space backdrops.

''Night de le Pari featured werewolves, vampires, and other monstrous beasts beautifully portrayed with CG graphics against real actors and buildings.

Jessica Alba: And the Oscar goes to... *opens envelope* The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time!

-*Zelda's CG experts and the film's producer walk up and accept their award.*

Coming up... best Art Direction!

-*Next award...*

Zhang Ziyi: As stated before, it's not just the plot that makes a movie, it's how appealing the movie is to the eye.

Hugo Weaving: But how a movie looks can't just be attributed to special effects. The way a film is presented to a viewing audience is also a large part of how the finished product looks.

Zhang Ziyi: Now the nominees for art direction.

''The beautiful and mysterious fantasy world of Wonderland is beautifully presented in the full reflection of Tim Burton's haunting vision, Alice.

''The interior of a large city is accurately and effectively portrayed in Downtown.

''Hyrule's full splendor comes out in Peter Jackson's excellent work on The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time.

''The ocean and its ships are expertly presented in Mutiny on the Bounty, an incredible work of art.

''Chills are brought to everyone who sees Night de le Pari, the shadows and colors reflecting brilliantly off realistic looking buildings.

Hugo Weaving: The Oscar goes to.... the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

Peter Jackson: *comes on stage with some of his storyboard artists* Well... it's deja vu all over again, isn't it? *says some more stuff, Williams says some stuff, commercial*

Next... Best Sound Editing!

Next award, foo!

Herbie Hancock: When I think of a film, my mind immediately remembers the sounds of the movie.

Jamie Foxx: For a movie, it's extremely important to make as much noise as possible... as long as that noise is pleasing to the ear. All three of these films were extremely pleasing.

Herbie Hancock: And the nominees are...

''Project: Hatshift's sound editors brought out all the nuances of the military life with their excellent work.

''Not only was Rhapsody In Blues one of the highest-grossing movies of all time, it was also one of the cleanest sounding, with every small noise having a purpose.

''The Wright Brothers was a beautiful audio mosaic of the Wright Brothers' incredible vision and discovery.

Jamie Foxx: And the winner is... Rhapsody In Blues!

-*Some of the sound editors of the film walk onto the stage, talk some, go off stage.*

Next award... Best Sound Effects!

Keira Knightley: Sound effects are sometimes forgotten in great movies, lost among the cacophany of visuals and dialogue.

Bai Ling: But occasionally, a movie comes along with sounds that stand out... these five movies are excellent examples.

''In Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time, sound effects from the video game are translated masterfully into real life.

''The silence of space plays against the artificial sounds of science in Mission: SPACE, proving that in space, one CAN hear you scream.

''Beautiful musical instruments and city life play in contrast in Rhapsody in Blues, a symphony of wonderful noise.

''In Troops in Iraq, the horrors of war are both seen and heard courtesy of excellent sound effects.

''From trains to planes, The Wright Brothers brings the complete package of sound to the big screen.

Bai Ling: And the Oscar goes to... Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time!

-*This time, the film's sound editors get to brag. After they leave, a promo for the night's first Best Picture nominee, Burial at Sea, is shown.*

Next... Best Supporting Actor!

-*2007's Best Supporting Actress (whoever the hell that is) steps onto the stage and begins to speak.*

Actress: These five have brought honor and fame to their roles, sometimes even stealing the scene from the main actors of the film. They are...

-*scene of Jackie Chan in Burial at Sea* -*scene of Matt Damon in Troops in Iraq* -*scene of Robert DeNiro in Rhapsody in Blues* -*scene of Harrison Ford in Project: Hatshift* -*scene of Anthony Hopkins in Night de le Pari*

Actress: And the Oscar goes to... *opens envelope, looks surprised for a brief second* Jackie Chan!

-*Jackie Chan comes on stage, gives a tearful speech and a thank you to his fans who reward him with HUGE amounts of applause, finally Chan leaves the stage, a grateful smile on his face*

Next, Best Film Editing!

Robert DeNiro: It's unknown exactly how much material ends up on the cutting room floor.

Jim Carrey: Yeah, especially in my movies where I screw up on purpose.

Robert DeNiro: Was I talking to you?

Jim Carrey: Whoa there, don't blow a gasket. *smirks* Let's just go to the nominees.

''Gump and Co. rivalled its predecessor with very well put-together scenes and impressive transitions.

''Peter Jackson's team worked for countless months getting The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time ready for theaters. One can easily see the result of all of that hard work.

''Project Hat-Shift shows countless examples of great editing work in each and every scene, moving from comedy to drama and back again in well-timed order.

''Every scene in Rhapsody in Blues is masterfully crafted, evidence for this easily seen in every second of film. The team worked incredibly hard to make this record-smashing film a reality.

''The Wright Brothers is one of the best-looking biopics ever, as clean as any film since The Aviator.

Robert DeNiro: And the Oscar goes to... The Legend of Zelda!

-*Peter Jackson's editing team takes the stage, hoisting the film's fourth trophy for the night.*

Next award... Best Costumes!

Dakota Fanning: Costumes can be really fun to wear...

Chiaki Kuriyama: And a good costume can be really fun to see. A great costume makes a film realistic and enhances the mood of the movie.

Dakota Fanning: So let's see some films that REALLY enhanced the mood!

''Alice 's beautiful costumes fit right in with the dark and mysterious vibes of Wonderland.

''In some of the best period costumes of all time, Burial At Sea perfectly captured the constrast of cultures in the 19th century.

''Combining fantasy with reality, The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time 's costumes are works of art.

''To capture the mood of the late 18th century, the costume designers for Mutiny on the Bounty spent countless hours creating their brilliant designs.

''Night de le Pari 's characters blend perfectly with the CG effects thanks to their specially-designed garments.

Dakota Fanning: And the winner is... Alice!

-*While Mackenzie Vega (dressed in her black dress from the movie), Tim Burton, and the costume designer for Alice walk on stage, Peter Jackson doesn't clap... no sweep this year. He looks pissed.*

Next award... Make-Up!

Jim Caviezel: When I was in Passion of the Christ about five years back, I couldn't even COUNT how much fake blood the make-up artists had to put on me.

Chris Rock: Wait a minute, man... that wasn't real blood?

Jim Caviezel: *shakes head*

Chris Rock: Aww... aww... aww, daaaaaaaaaamn. Man, if that was me I'd have had them whip me for real.

Jim Caviezel: Are we going to talk about make-up, or-

Chris Rock: I'm not finished. What's the difference between a white man and a black man?

Jim Caviezel: *sighs*

Chris Rock: Damn, don't go all Tom Cruise on me. *audience laughs* Here's the damn nominees.

''The brutality of Battle Royale is made apparent by the realistic wounds applied by the makeup crew to the young actors.

''Characters that might be mistaken for CG actors are portrayed by real people in Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time behind countless layers of make-up.

''In Night de le Pari, the creatures of the night are brought to life by the make-up crew's work.

Chris Rock: And the Oscar goes to... damn, again? Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time!

-*Peter Jackson's smile returns as the makeup artist and crew come up to get the film's fifth award. Then, a promo shows for the next Best Picture nom, The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time.*

Ewan McGregor: Now, while typically vote counts are not revealed for Oscar results, a little tidbit of information was given to me and I'm going to divulge it because I'm a naughty boy.

Renee Zelweger: Don't you dare!

Ewan McGregor: This year's race for Best Original Song was officially the CLOSEST race for any category in the history of the Academy Awards The first and fifth finishers were separated by the smallest amount ever. All five songs nominated were truly excellent.

Renee Zelweger: And these five are...

"No Limits"- The Highwayman "Beyond the Horizon"- The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time "Monopoly"- Monopoly "A Bunch of Idiots"- Overeacting "Tears of a City"- Rhapsody in Blues

Renee Zelweger: With musicians as diverse as Randy Newman and the band Evanescence having songs nominated tonight, it seems like a shame to give the award to just one movie.

Ewan McGregor: But the Oscar goes to... Monopoly, from Monopoly!

-*The Monopoly cast runs out onto the stage and performs the song live, then exits the stage.*

Next award... Best Supporting Actress!

-*2007's Best Supporting Actor takes the stage.*

Actor: While most of the film's attention focuses on the star, a great actor or actress knows how to take their part, no matter how simple or complex, and shine with it. These five actresses did just that.

-*scene of Elizabeth Perkins in Running Away* -*scene of Emmy Rossum in The Man Who Cultivated His Garden* -*scene of Meryl Streep in A Wrinkle In Time* -*scene of Charlize Theron in Running Away* -*scene of Zhang Ziyi in Burial At Sea*

Actor: And the Oscar goes to... Emmy Rossum!

-*Emmy comes on stage and recieves her award, very happy and a bit tearful.*

Ten more awards to give out... I'll be back in about four hours to finish up the show!

Adrian Brody: Cinematography is one of the most important aspects of film. It is what enables all the wonderful editing and art direction to be accomplished.

Hilary Swank: Here are some films which show mastery of this difficult art form.

''In The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time, the land of Hyrule is beautifully displayed thanks to the incredible work of the cinematography crew.

''The darkness of Paris and the horrific monsters within come to life in Night de le Pari, a wonderful and frightening experience.

''The space epic Proxima brilliantly captures the majesty of space and its epic battles.

''Rhapsody in Blues is beautiful and poignant, and the wonderful cinematography adds to the magic of this film.

''The first flight is captured perfectly in The Wright Brothers, so well it's just like being at Kitty Hawk in 1903.

Adrian Brody: And the winner is... The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time!

-*Another award for Peter Jackson and his crew.*

Next, it's best Documentary!

-*After a promo for Night de le Pari, the third Best Picture nom, Elizabeth Perkins and Michael Moore take the stage.*

Elizabeth Perkins: I remember the last time you were up here.

Michael Moore: I think everyone remembers that...

-*some boos, some cheers*

Elizabeth Perkins: So, why don't you have a film nominated for Best Documentary?

Michael Moore: I was going to make something, but McDonalds had a 50% off sale, and well, you know...

-*audience cracks up laughing*

Elizabeth Perkins: Let's see the nominees.

-*promo is shown for The Big Show * -*promo is shown for Macarena * -*promo is shown for Screw Reality *

Michael Moore: And the winner is... Screw Reality.

-*Morgan Spurlock comes up on stage, takes his Oscar, hugs Moore, gives a bit of a speech, then leaves the stage.*

Next category... Best Animated Movie!

-*Lindsey Lohan and Haley Joel Osment take the stage.*

Lindsey Lohan: Some of the most magical films in Hollywood come from the animation genre.

Haley Joel Osment: Whether hand-drawn or animated by computers, these films certainly deserve recognition equal to their live-action counterparts.

Lindsey Lohan: Here are the nominees.

-*shows promo for Disney's Camelot * -*shows promo for The Highwayman * -*shows promo for The Outback *

Haley Joel Osment: And the Oscar goes to... The Highwayman!

-*The animators of The Highwayman accept the award, one of them goes off into a shpiel about how Disney needs to go back to its 2-D roots and that CG is killing the industry*

Next up... Best Original Score!

Halle Berry: A good soundtrack can make the difference between a great movie and a legendary one.

Kirsten Dunst: These movies made us all laugh and cry with their wonderful, inspiring music. Here are the nominees for Best Original Score...

''Monopoly 's uplifting and catchy blend of hilarious songs makes this movie one of the best musicals of the last decade.

''The haunting score of Night de le Pari sent chills down the spines of everyone who heard it.

''The jazz strains of Rhapsody In Blues contained new and original songs by some of the best jazz artists of today.

''The rock opera Stradavarius featured excellent songs from Chris Jericho's band Fozzy.

''Excellent music was composed for A Wrinkle In Time that set the mood for every scene and transported viewers to a magical world.

Kirsten Dunst: And the Oscar goes to... Rhapsody in Blues!

-*After the award presentation, a promo for the fourth Best Picture nom, Project: Hatshift is shown.*

Next award... Best Adapted Screenplay!

Viggo Mortensen: A movie can be completely original, or based off an already-existing idea.

Johnny Depp: But just because that idea already exists doesn't mean that a producer can't take it and make it their own. Here are the nominees for Best Adapted Screenplay.

''Alice is Tim Burton's haunting vision of the classic Lewis Carroll fable, Alice in Wonderland.

''Gump and Co. was brilliantly translated from the original book into a movie rivalling the quality of the first.

''One of the best adaptations of Shakespeare's most famous play, Hamlet is a dream to watch.

''The best ever video-game to movie translation, Legend of Zelda perfectly captured the spirit of the game.

''A Wrinkle In Time is a magical adaptation of the Madeline L'Engle novel, brilliantly translating the book to the silver screen.

Johnny Depp: And the winner is... Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time!

-*Peter Jackson himself accepts the award, a big smile on his face.*

Next up... Best Original Screenplay!

[Steve Martin and Cameron Diaz come up]

Diaz: So Steve that was some nice dancing

Martin: Hey Diaz those are some nice…oh wait audience. Diaz and I are here to present the award for best original screenplay.

Diaz: While a lot of movies are based off of novels or something else, there is just as many that come fresh from the screen writer’s mind.

Martin: And some not so fresh.

Diaz: And the nominees are…..

''In the adventuress and intelligent story of Burial at Sea, audiences are transported to a world over thousands of miles away

''The intelligent writing of Woody Allen is more than captured in his brilliant Manhattan Diaries.

''Among the glamour of casino life is a heartwarming and magnificent story told creatively through the eyes of a young woman in Protege: The $10,000,000 Girl

''A story that captures comedy, romance, action, drama, and all woven through the style of George Gershwin’s famous classical jazz hit with the same name as the movie is Rhapsody in Blues

''Love and passion is the theme of Running Away and it is captured brilliantly with great dialogue and great romantic scenes.

Martin: and the winner is……. Rhapsody in Blues !

[two brothers come up on stage]

1st brother: Whew, thanks to everyone who worked on this project. When I was first writing this back in 2004, this was actually originally a musical, with only the comedy and romance story in the film. Now can you imagine Hanks in a musical (audience laughs, Hanks is laughing hysterically)? I got bored with the project for awhile, but when my brother over here heard the story, he took over.

2nd brother: yeah, and I added the whole mafia edge and the darkness to it, and with the combined stories, Rhapsody in Blues was made.

1st Bother: I would like to thank Jim my brother, and the whole family, and of course Bob for doing the movie, and Hanks and DeNiro for bringing it to life.

2nd Borhter: also the dog as well, but seriously thanks to all who worked on this and thanks to Lloyd and Renee also, plus the producers for excepting our script, and of course George Gershwin!

Next up Martin Scorsese and the award for best director!….

[Martin Scorsese comes up with Robin Williams]

Scorsese: Well I am here to present...

Williams: Oh my God its Martin Scorses!

Scorsese: Umm hi Robin, so where was I....

Williams: Are you talking to me?

Scorsese: Excuse me?

Williams: Just trying out for your remake of Taxi Driver.

Scorsese: There is no remake

Williams: There isn't? (cries) But I have been waiting for this role for years, I even made a clip [shows clip of Robin Williams dojng the famous "Are you talking to me?" monologue].

Scorsese: I tell you what, if we do a remake, you go the part!

Williams: Oh joy!

Scorsese: Now go backstage I'll get to you later [Williams leaves] or not. Anyway, a film is written and their are actors and sometimes a speacial effects, but waht really makes a film great is its director, and the nominees for best director this year are...

Peter Jackson for The Legend of Zelda: The Orcarina of Time, usign epical style direction he was able to transport the adventures of Link right onto the big screen [shows clip of Link riding off in the sunset]

Ridley Scott for Project: Hat Shift, combining comedy with the main stream story and its darkness all in the middle of a dangerous and action packed mission [shows clip of a battle scene, and off Jones yelling at Gibson and Gibson showing his anger]

Steven Spielberg for Night de le Pari, still able to both terrify us out of wits and tell a heroic story using great directing techniques. [shows clip of epic zombie battle at the mass hall, then Coonery and Hopkins in a conversation]

Peter Weir for Burial at Sea, once again Peter is able to capture high emotion and great action all on screen, and still has time for originalls techniques. [shows clip of Chan crying, then him and Hugo fighting back at the Chinese mafia]

Robert Zemeckis for Rhapsody in Blues, putting in both hilarious comedy scenes and very dark and dramatic scenes is very difficult, but Zemeckis does it brilliantly. [shows clip of car chase, then Hanks and Lloyd at the bar dancing]

Scorsese: and the winner who isn't me (laughs) is!....... Peter Jackson for Zelda!

[Jackson slowly but surely comes on stage]

Jakcson: Man I am getting a work out (laughs) now then [kisses Oscar] that's for all of the people at Scotland who worked so hard on this project [kisses Oscar again} the people in Jpana {kisses it again] New Zealand and this one [kisses it again] is for my loving family. (cheers) Oh and I promise not to do another adaption again, oh wait I amdoing Halo 2 and The Hobbit next year (random cheers in audience). And once again thank you!

next up best actress!

[last years actor winner comes on]

Actor: well i don't having any speeches prepared, so I will be forthright *chuckles* the nominees are

Jessica Alba for Protege: The $10,000,000 Girl [shows clip of here playing cards and stunning beating all of the men]

Christina Applegate for Lights [shows clip of her talking to her friend about something]

Cameron Diaz for Sharks [shows clip of her monologue about where she wnet wrong as a mother]

Kate Winslet for Running Away [shows clip of her crying and Leo trying to comfort her]

Renee Zellweger for India to the States [shows clip of her trying to explain America to her daughter]

Actor: and the winner is.....Kate Winslet for Running Away

[Winslet shocked doesn't move for a second, the comes on stage in shock]

Winslet: I uhh....don't know what to say, I never expected to win this award. I really worked hard for this role and when i got it, I still worked hard. I guess hard work pays off in the end (start crying a little) thanks moma nd dad for believing in me, and thanks to all who also believed in me.

next up best actor!

[last year's best actress comes up]

Actress: Well it has been a long noght, we hav been here for five hours and still 2 awards to go, and first up is one that is honored greatly, best actor in a lead role, and in fact Renee will make two appearances in our clips, a sign anyone? (laughs) and the nominees are

Adrian Brody for India To The States [shows clip of him arguing with Renee over the child]

Leonardo DiCaprio for Running Away [shows clip of his monlogue of him trying to find his place in life]

Mel Gibson for Project: Hat Shift [shows clip of him rallying the sailors in his first mutiny speech]

Tom Hanks for Rhapsody in Blues [shows clip of him talking to Renee ashamed to tell her that he loves her for dark reasons]

Tommy Lee Jones for Project: Hat Shift [shows clip of him talking to Ford about his life back home]

Actress: and the winner is...oy my god it is......Mr. Tom Hanks as Tony Rockton in Rhapsody in Blues

[Hanks jumps to his feet in excitement, and the crowd all stand up, including Jakcson, Jones, Gibson, Brody, but Leo just sits and smilies]

Hanks: Thank you, thank you everyone. When I first read this script I knew it was special, and in the words of Jakc Nicholson, "I knew I would win" but after seeing Project: Hat Shift, I didin't know, it saddens me to see those two go unrewarded even though they made great and legendary performances. This ties me with Jakc for most ins, but I still have plenty of noms to go to capture him in that race. Thank you everyone once again, and thanks to my adoring family!

next up best picture and George Lucas!

[Williams comes on stage crying]

Williams: Martin didn't give me the part, oh well there is always next year, or is there, it doesn't matter, I am tired, whew, been here for more tha five hours having to litsen to,"and I would like to thank my lving family" and crap like that (luahgs) [shows clips of Hanks and Dunst laughing hysterically], and well it is time for the moment we have been waiting for all yesterday afternoon, err I mean today, err I mean this year (laughs) mistor if you'd please [orquestra plays Star Wars music as Lucas comes on stage, Jackson is standing up clapping heavily and a lot come and join him including Spielberg and Ford] Mr. Indiana Skywalker himself, Geore Lucas! [Williams leaves]

Lucas: Hello, I bet you guys are dying out there, don't worry I can't write a script to don't worry about a speech (laughs), so onto the nominees for Best Picture, and they are

for the historical adventure that is Burial at Sea

The epical advetures of Link in The Legend of Zelda: The Orcanrna of Time

The intelligent horror that is Night de le Pari [stops and looks at Spielberg, his good friend]

The dramatic war film, Project: Hat Shift

and The romatic mafia comedy-drama Rhapsody in Blues

and the winner is....{ takes out piece of paper slowly folds it and puts in his pocket, looks at Spielberg, then Zemeckis, then Jackson]

Lucas: Rhapsody in Blues !!!!!!!!

[Zemeckis, the two brothers and the producers, there are two, come on stage]

1st brother: Wow, this is an honor, like I have said earlier, this film would have been so different without my brother, thanks bro

2nd brother: Thank you too [they hug]

Zemeckis: Hey Tom, Renee, Robert, Chirs, and John, come up here, this is nothing without you guys [they all come up]

1st producer: Thanks to all, thanks to Buena Vista for ditributing, and thanks to the people for making us the greatest film of all time

2nd: Money wise of course.

Hanks: What is that five Oscars

Lloyd: Yes five, go Rhap!!!! *woots*

DeNiro: Yeah it has been fun.

Renee: Thanks to everyone [Willaims comes on stage]

Zemeckis: It has been magical from the very first day when i got the script, wow can these two write!

1st Brother: Thank you academy for really excepting our film as one of th greats, both technically and acting andd story wise.

2nd Bother: Wow I can't believe it, this is a dream come true, and to Jackson [bows], you guys diserve this as much as we do.

Williams: Ok, lets move it, get out of here, scram (laughs), well it has been a long night, and it looks like Zelda and Jakcson owned the beginning, but Rhapsody won in the end, good night everyone, and see you next year [laughs evil laugh]!